that night.

i wonder how they sleep at night, knowing what they did to me

that february night, filled with alcohol and regrets

i still remember that train ride to hell.

laughing and smiling. innocently dancing with the devil.

mistaking love for hatred. envy for glory.

unknowingly stepping foot into the last day i’d ever feel like myself again.

imagine blinking your eyes repeatedly, but with every blink - a new image appears.

as you struggle to connect the dots

mind pulsing, body numb

you’re almost paralyzed.

whispers in your ear, “i love you.”

as his lips kiss your neck, almost decapitating you with the cruelest lie ever spoken.

loving someone’s unconscious body as you pleasure yourself in the most dehumanizing way.

how could i ever believe another “i love you”

i barely mean it when i say it now

how can i love someone,

when i do not love myself.

i don’t know if i can ever forgive myself for that night.

t.g ‘22